Where is the time going?

I was getting ready to go to bed after another whirl wind (ok, you know I am lying) weekend and I realize, it is actually Monday night.  I totally lost track of time.  I keep thinking that I am keep up with my blog and then I see it has been another 4 days since I made a post.  Right now, All I can ask is that you please keep checking back and please forgive me.  My pain levels are just out of control right now, and due to my inability to take pain meds, I am having a hard time getting the pain under control.  I am hoping it will get better soon, if we finally get the rain that they have been calling for for the last week or so.  It has been an incredibly long day so I am going to try and head to bed, and hope my body and brain decide to cooperate with me.  Ten on Tuesday tomorrow! Til then, Gentle Hugs.

New Meds again!!!

It has been almost one week since I started my amitriptyline, to replace the Cymbalta I had to relinquish since I could no longer afford to pay for it.  Still not sure how I feel on it.  I am trying to give it the "old college try".  I can tell you one thing I have noticed.  It sure does make me sleepy.  My severe insomnia has become less severe, but it lingers and makes me very sluggish all day.  So I guess it is a wash.  I am getting more sleep, but I am not waking up feeling any more rested, actually I am feeling more tired.  UUGGHH!
So here is the list of side effects for this particular medicine:

• nausea
• vomiting
• drowsiness
• weakness or tiredness
• nightmares
• headaches
• dry mouth
• constipation
• difficulty urinating
• blurred vision
• pain, burning, or tingling in the hands or feet
• changes in sex drive or ability
• excessive sweating
• changes in appetite or weight
• confusion
• unsteadiness.
  Does it make sense that I am taking this medicine to help with headaches and pain and it has a major side effect of headache.  I can never figure it out.  Then, it messes with my blood sugar, so not fun since I have been diet controlled for so long I don't test and so now when I feel "off" I can't test because I don't have the equipment.  So, I just keep pushing on and on.  Why on earth is there not a medicine that can just fix it, without causing more problems.  I mean for crying out loud, is taking some of the pain away worth getting so tired you can't enjoy it.  It is frustrating.  I try and keep thinking, maybe I need some time to get used to the medicine.  Maybe once my body adjust to it, I won't feel like a walking zombie, but then the question arises, how long do you wait to see if your body adjusts to the medicine?  I wondered aimlessly through the grocery store tonight, wobbling like someone that just had a dual hip replacement, so I could try and get a few items because my fridge and pantry were looking like a bachelors pad after a 3 week party binge.  I needed my husband to drive me, just did not feel comfortable enough to do it myself, but once there, I was so tired, it took every ounce of energy to get me through the store to get the groceries.  The worst of it all, I still have a pretty decent headache, it is not like it has made a huge dent in the pain.  I so want to be back to my old self.  I want a day without pain.  I want to wake up, not have to take a handful of meds to function, to be able to get in the car and do whatever I want for as long as I want, without any help.  I want to make dinner, and eat it, no matter what it is, and then run around with my family after dinner, doing, again, whatever I want. All in all, I will continue to fight to find the right medication.  I will try and continue to give it the "old college" try.  I try not to let it stick in my head that it won't work, or to let the side effects list blemish my opinion of the medicine.  The only major problem I have is I was taking Cymbalta, did not realize how well it was working until I could not afford it and now have to try all these other medicines.  Even though they had to increase my Cymbalta dosage, I did not feel like a zombie, I did not get dizzy, motion sick, it did not mess with my sugar levels, and I could go to the grocery store by myself, (well the last one, at least one at least occasionally).  All I know, is I have to try and keep my spirits up, continue to be a guinea pig and hope it all works out in the end..  For now, I keep working with the amitriptyline and hoping it is the one, or that I can rule it out sooner than later!  So for now, keep smiling and moving forward, nothing else you can do!!!  Gentle hugs to you all. 

What a week!

So as you can see by looking at my posts, I have been neglecting my duties.  I have not been on my blog this past week hardly at all.  I missed my favorite day, Tuesday, thus missing my Ten on Tuesday entry, and only did a quick entry to let you all know I was still alive with pictures of what I was looking at while participating in a new adventure, crabbing, on Wednesday evening.  So here is all that has been occurring   If you are new to my blog, let me tell you quickly that I live in a summer resort town.  Awesome huh, yeah, most of the time.  Thus begins why this week started as a horrible week, got better and now, well I am just totally wiped out.  Many of my friends from my hometown, about 3 hours away, come down to my area for summer vacation.  For me, this is great.  If they don't stay in my actual home town, they usually stay in an area either 12 miles north or 12 miles south of me.  This week for some reason everyone seemed to be flocking for vacation at one time.  I was so excited.  Well then my bubble burst.  No one was returning my calls, my text messages, my facebook posts, anything.  I thought, what the heck did I do?  If you would know me, you would understand, I am the person that always worries about everyone, that always put forth the extra effort, that worked the hardest to make things work.  Now, I felt like since I was not around my hometown, still working my old job, since I got "sick", since I was not going out of my way to give, I was not good enough.  So now, boy was I mad!!!!   I decided I would just take a ride down to the area where everyone was staying and hope I would run into them.  Of course I did not, so now I was sad too.  Upon getting home, things got worse.  My so called best friend forever, just posted on facebook, that he was at the house of a person who in the past has immensely hurt me, caused major financial stress to my family, added stress to me personally, which we all know as a fibro patient I did not need, then tried to lie to mutual friends and make my husband and I look bad.  Thank goodness, my friends know me and knew she was lying, but still.  So now, I have had enough.  I post, on my facebook page that I have had enough, I have had it with fake friends, trying to keep friendships with people that don't have the time for me, that I will no longer be putting myself out on a limb if you can not meet me half way.  At this point, I am giving you a chance to remove yourself from my friends list and my life with no hard feelings, before I do it myself.  Well, of course, my so called BFF felt guilty and called me right away wondering if I was talking about him.  He proceeded to try and explain himself and then when he could not, he tried to twist things around and cause problems, bring up past issues that he thought would make me upset.  Guess what, it did not work.  But, it was still stressful.  So now, one of the most trusted person in my life, showed his true colors.  Down another so called friend.  Now, off goes a whole mess of  "friends" who can not make the 2 minutes for me, and honestly, I am fine with it.  It is the end of the week, and those friends that came down at the beginning of the week for vacation, yup, you guessed it, I still did not meet up with them.  So guess what, apparently they are not friends either.  The one good thing, one of my true friends did come down mid week, to stay at my house.  Her and her family have been at my house and having the time of their lives.  We have spent time together, they have done family things, we have laughed, talked, hung out and just had fun.  Only problem I have, is I have pushed myself to far, trying to keep up.  So now, I am totally wiped out, I have extremely high pain levels and feel like crap, but all in all it is so  worth it.  I did have another friend down I got to meet up with for a few minutes, which also was cool.  Another friend, and her family, are down and  we planned on meeting up. A family emergency interrupted those plans and things did work out.  This is something that does happen.  I am praying for her nephew and asking all that read this, do the same.  He is only 6, almost drown at the age of 1, and has been in a wheelchair and had a tracheotomy since then, had a cardiac arrest while with them only 10 miles from my house on vacation and flown back to my hometown, to the children's hospital.  He is still on life support and we are waiting to see if there is any further brain damage.  See, so we are not the only ones suffering and some are much worse off.  Something I try and remember every day.  So, wow, what a week is an understatement!
The thing I have to say is this, friendship is a two way street.  If your friend does not make the same effort to keep the friendship alive, is it really a friendship?  Do not waste your energy on people like this, or stress yourself out.  You need people that love you, and support you, the same way you do to them.  With the illness that we have, most people don't believe us, treat us different, or simply walk away.  You need to cherish the ones that are there for you, understand (or try to), believe in you, and treat you like they always did.  If they don't, it is time for you to walk away.  It is not easy, abut is anything we do?  Do you need any more stress?  Do you need a friend that only takes and does not give?    I know my life has changed.  I am no longer the constant giver, the over achiever, the perfectionist.  Is this something that is easy for me, hell no!!  Do I still push my self, of course I do! and I do it way more than I should and probably will til the day I die.  I will always be the "mother".  That is the job I believe I was programmed to be when I was born.  But I will tell you, I now have chosen that I will do that only for those who care enough to care back, and even though it hurts sometimes, I know I am right to do it and all it all, it is better for me.  I will always help people any way I can, but I won't hurt me in the process.

A quick hello!

Hi Everyone, I truly hope you are feeling well enough to spend some time celebrating July 4th weekend with friends and family.  I am doing just that.  Wearing my self out in the process and reaching pain levels I did not know where possible, but hey, it is a holiday and we have friends down I don't get to see often. Plus my oldest son is here and except for a slight melt down tonight, everyone is getting along and having a great time.   You do have to expect some minor altercations when you bring family together. If you have a family that can stay under the same roof, that normally does not, add in a few more extra people and do not have any issues, I desperately would love your secret!!!!  We had an awesome picnic tonight, grilled some hot dogs, hamburgers, and chicken breasts.  Then had home made Amish Macaroni salad, homemade cucumber and onion salad, cole slaw, fresh from the farm tomatoes and corn on the cob.  Lots of conversation and laughter.  How can you beat it.  Well let me tell you how, you celebrate a birthday!!  Last year we were on vacation at this time, in Ocean City, Maryland.  Well it just so happens as of August last year I relocated to Selbyville, Delaware just about 20 minutes away from Ocean City.  Then in February was relocated again to Bethany Beach, De.  I am now living exactly 10 miles from the Apartment building where we stayed on vacation last year.  So this year, most of the people that came on vacation with us, came to stay at my house instead of somewhere else this week.  Even though we won't be here for the exact birth date, we started a tradition and wanted to continue it this year.  So we decided celebrating the birthday was going to be part of our weekend.  Last year, we snuck and my husband and I decorated a cake for a girl who we now count as our daughter.  She is actually the fiance' of a friend of ours son.  He too is thought by us to be our son, so of course we love his fiance just as much as we love him.  So this year we decorated her birthday cake again.  I love to decorate cakes.  It truly is a passion of mine.  One that I can do fairly limitedly now do to pain and lessening strength in my hands, so when I get a chance to do one, and my husband is around to help, we jump at it.  Of course like last year, it had to be a beach themed cake.  For heaven's sake we are "vacationing" at the beach.  Last year we did not have it quite so easy, since we had to bake the cake and transport it from Pennsylvania to the vacation destination, keep it a secret, and then decorate it in a unfamiliar kitchen with none of our regular tools, since of course, half way here I realized I had forgotten all my decorating necessities on the table in my kitchen at home.  This year we had a better time, in our own home with the right stuff, making the cake.  We made rice krispie treats in the shape of a sand castle, using sand toys, and graham cracker crumbs for sand.  We had goldfish graham crackers for our fish in the ocean and used taffy to make a beach ball and beach towels.  We had a ball making it, and just as much fun eating it.  The best part, Mandy loved it.  So here is a picture of the cake, my hands and arms hurt like crazy, I am incredibly wiped out, but for the smiles and fun we had, it is all worth it.

Sometimes it is just all worth it in the end when you get a smile.  Now, we have to start thinking about how we are going to top it next year.  Please take time to enjoy your holiday.  Remember those fighting for our freedom.  Be thankful for the flag and what it stands for.  Be kind to yourself, rest, do not push to much, and just let it happen.  Gentle Hugs and Happy 4th of July!

4th of July Fun!

The holiday is fast approaching and you want to wow your guests or your hostess with something fun, good to eat and of course RED, WHITE,  and BLUE.    Well, here are some quick and actually very easy ideas to make fun desserts that will wow the masses and celebrate the fun of the holiday with colors galore.  The best thing about them, is they are mostly easy to make from all ready made items if you are to tired to make them yourself, just some minor assembly and they will think you are a miracle worker.  
The first one is one of my favorites and it is a TRIFLE........ which by definition is a A dessert typically consisting of plain or sponge cake soaked in sherry, rum, or brandy and topped with layers of jam or jelly, custard, and whipped cream.  We are going to make ours more family friendly and summery.  


You will need, 
1 angel food cake or pound cake ( I think angel food cake would be good since it is whiter)
3 cups of strawberries, sliced and sugared
3 cups of blueberries, sugared (you may have to smash them just a small bit to help get the juices and sugar to combine, you need them to form some juice)
2 small or one large container of Cool Whip or whipped topping of your choice


1. Cut angel cake into approximately 1 inch cubes.  Set aside.

2. Gather Trifle Dish or high sided, flat bottom glass bowl.  Should be see through to make sure you can see the color of the layers. 
3. Separate the cake into 4 piles.  Place the first pile of cake pieces on the bottom of the bowl evenly spaces.  
4. Place half of either the strawberries or blueberries on top of the cake pieces., also using half the juice to moisten the cake pieces.  Make sure you are layering it so that each distinct layer can be seen.  
5. Take 1/4 of the amount of whipped topping and spread evenly over the berries.
6. Place another layer of cake on top of whipped topping.
7. Place 1/2 of the opposite berry (if you used strawberries first, now use blueberries or vice versa).
8. Place another 1/4 of the amount of whipped topping and spread evenly on top of berries.
Repeat steps 4 through 8 again, ending with whipped topping.  
Garnish the top of the trifle with either whole blueberries and strawberries or make a stripes alternating red and blue using the berries.  You could also stick sparklers in the tops or put red and/or blue sugar sprinkles or jimmies on top.  Be creative, cut out stars using a piece of paper and shake jimmies over stencil.  Carefully remove stencil to reveal just stars on top of whipped topping.    
The picture above is an empty trifle bowl, the picture below is just for reference to see how the layers should seperate.  Remember yours will not look exactly the same.  You can make this with any type of fresh berries, or even peaches and nectarines  

i

Jello Cake


YOU WILL NEED
1 boxed cake mix 
   (ingredients to bake the cake)
1 3 oz pkg of Jello gelatin mix (berry blue or some sort of red)
1 cup boiling water
1/2 cup cold water
1 8 oz tub whipped topping like Cool Whip
1 can Cherry pie filling ,Strawberry pie Filling or Fresh Strawberries, or Blueberry pie filling, of course use the  opposite color pie filling or topping compared to the color gelatin you used


1. Bake a yellow or white cake in a 9 x 13 cake pan according to package directions just omitting the oil.  This will allow your cake to rise better.  (You do not have to add anything to the mix and you can do this anything you are baking a cake, makes it a tiny bit more healthy too).  
, 2.When it is done baking, remove from oven, let cool for 15 minutes.
3.With the handle end of a wooden spoon or large tined fork poke holes throughout the entire top of the cake about 1/4 to 1/2 inch apart. 


2. Stir gelatin mix into the boiling water until all the gelatin is completely dissolved (about two minutes). Stir in cold water.  Carefully and slowly pour the gelatin over the entire surface of the cake.  Place in the refrigerator for at least 3 hours, until gelatin has time to set.   


3. "Icing" the top of the cake with the whipped topping.  Spoon the pie filling over the top of the cool whip or serve it on the side of the cake.  


4.  Keep in the refrigerator until ready to serve.  Immediately refrigerate leftovers.


When cut your cake will look like the one in the picture  to the right.  The stripes may be a different color depending on the jello flavor used.


This is an amazing dessert that is incredibly versatile.  You can use almost any flavor of cake mix, mix and match with jello and make your own creation.  Try a french vanilla cake, with orange jello and french vanilla cool whip for an orange creamsicle  type cake.  Like black forest cake, use a chocolate cake, black cherry or cherry jello, cool whip and chocolate shavings on top, you can even add cherry pie filling.  Don't forget you can try things like lemon jello, or lime jello, and add a bit of tartness to the cake, very refreshing.    


RED, WHITE AND BLUEBERRY MUFFINS
So do you have company this weekend, here is a great breakfast or anytime treat that is in the spirit and thanks to Betty Crocker it is quick and easy to make!!!!


Here is what you need:
1   box Betty Crocker wild blueberry muffin mix
3/4 c milk
1/4 c vegetable oil
2 eggs
3/4 cup dried cranberries


1. Heat oven to 425 degrees.
2. Line 12 muffin tins with papers or grease only the bottom of the muffin cups
3. Drain muffins from the muffin mix rinse and set aside. In medium bowl, stir in muffin mix, milk, oil, eggs, and cranberries just until blended. Gently stir in blueberries. Divide batter among muffin cups, each should be about 3/4 full.
4. Bake 17 to 22 minutes or until golden brown and tops spring back lightly when touched.  Cool 3-4 minutes and then remove from pan.


Glaze   
1/3 cup powdered sugar
1 to 1 1/2 teaspoons milk.
1/8 teaspoon vanilla or orange extract.


Mix together 3 ingredients to form glaze, drizzle over muffins while they are still warm.  Let cool and serve.


This should get you started.  I will hopefully find a few more tomorrow.  Getting tired thank goodness.  Has been a long week with lots of medicine changes.  Just hoping to make it through the big weekend with a large family gathering at my house of 20 plus people.  I am excited to see some of them who I have not seen in almost 6 months, just a bad time for the doctor to decide to change my meds around.  Well, here is hoping it all goes well.  I hope you all have an amazing holiday weekend.  Take care of yourselves.  If you tire rest, if you hurt, don't push it.  Remember it is the time to relax, others can help and you also deserve a break.  Happy 4th of July.

Ten on Tuesday!!!!! 6-28-2011

Ok, so I really wanted to get some cool Red, White and Blue recipes together for my ten on Tuesday since July 4th is quickly approaching but today is not a great day for me.  Headaches are bad and just not feeling that great.  Instead I am going to do a quick list of my favorite books to read or make that Authors.  I do a lot of reading so books become my get away.  I don't mean books about illnesses or the crap I go through every day, I have to deal with that, this is something I do to not think of that. Books I use to help me day dream or take my mind off of the pain and daily grind.

1. Nora Roberts
2. James Patterson
3. Stephenie Meyer
4. Catherine Coulter
5. Anne Rice
6. Richelle Mead
7. Dan Brown
8. Mary Higgins Clark
9. Sandra Brown
10.Katherine Stone

These are some of the authors I have read numberous books from.  Of course there are many others.  I am sorry for cutting it short, but hopefully in the next day or two I will get to add some fun recipes for July 4th.  I hope you have a good night.

Insomnia, your bed partner.

According to WebMD the definition for Insomnia:

is a sleep disorder that is characterized by difficulty falling and/or staying asleep. People with insomnia have one or more of the following symptoms:

• Difficulty falling asleep
• Waking up often during the night and having trouble going back to sleep
• Waking up too early in the morning
• Feeling tired upon waking

Does any of that sound familiar?  HHHMMM.   I vote that all of them are part of my life on a regular basis.  Many people say they have trouble sleeping, but seriously, do they have our trouble sleeping, I highly doubt it.  
Were you aware that there are two types of Insomnia as well, well might as well throw that at you too, here it is right from WebMD:

• Primary insomnia: Primary insomnia means that a person is having sleep problems that are not directly associated with any other health condition or problem.
• Secondary insomnia: Secondary insomnia means that a person is having sleep problems because of something else, such as a health condition (like asthma,depression, arthritis, cancer, or heartburn); pain; medication they are taking; or a substance they are using (like alcohol).

Ok, so lets see now, we have decided that we definitely have insomnia, no doubt, It is 4 am and I am blogging, lol.  Which one do I have, primary or secondary.  I think I am going to vote for Secondary because I believe it is somehow associated with this wonderful thing we call Fibromyalgia, but of course, it could simply be the pain, or the depression, maybe the IBS, oh who knows, all I know is I can't sleep.  So what the heck can fix it.  Well wait, surprisingly there is more options of what type of Insomnia that you might have, see nothing can ever be easy, but then again, if it was, the doctors would not be making the big bucks from us!  


Now, Do you have acute or chronic Insomnia?  Well lets refer back to good old WebMD and see if we can figure it out:

Causes of acute insomnia can include:

• Significant life stress (job loss or change, death of a loved one, divorce, moving).
• Illness.
• Emotional or physical discomfort.
• Environmental factors like noise, light, or extreme temperatures (hot or cold) that interfere with sleep.
• Some medications (for example those used to treat colds, allergies, depression,high blood pressure, and asthma) may interfere with sleep.
• Interferences in normal sleep schedule (jet lag or switching from a day to night shift, for example).

Causes of chronic insomnia include:

• Depression and/or anxiety.
• Chronic stress.
• Pain or discomfort at night.

DING DING DING!!!!!  I think this one was easy and we definitely have a winner, Chronic Chronic and Chronic.  Even though you would never believe any of us have any stress at all, Why would we be stressed according to everyone, we do nothing and just sorta lay around all day right?  Depression that is simply a given and pain, well Heck ya we got the pain covered, enough for a lifetime in a couple of days.    
So what can we do to help us get some sleep, Well I can guarantee one of the major answers will be to limit your stress, but I think I am going to go back to the trained professionals to see what they say.


Ok, here is the answers that WebMD. believes will help:

Good sleep habits, also called sleep hygiene, can help you get a good night's sleep and beat insomnia. Here are some tips:

• Try to go to sleep at the same time each night and get up at the same time each morning. Try not to take naps during the day because naps may make you less sleepy at night.
• Avoid caffeine, nicotine, and alcohol late in the day. Caffeine and nicotine are stimulants and can keep you from falling asleep. Alcohol can cause waking in the night and interferes with sleep quality.
• Get regular exercise. Try not to exercise close to bedtime because it may stimulate you and make it hard to fall asleep. Experts suggest not exercising for at least three to four hours before the time you go to sleep.
• Don't eat a heavy meal late in the day. A light snack before bedtime, however, may help you sleep.
• Make your bedroom comfortable. Be sure that it is dark, quiet, and not too warm or too cold. If light is a problem, try a sleeping mask. If noise is a problem, try earplugs, a fan, or a "white noise" machine to cover up the sounds.
• Follow a routine to help you relax before sleep. Read a book, listen to music, or take a bath.
• Avoid using your bed for anything other than sleep or sex.
• If you can't fall asleep and don't feel drowsy, get up and read or do something that is not overly stimulating until you feel sleepy.
• If you find yourself lying awake worrying about things, try making a to-do list before you go to bed. This may help you to not focus on those worries overnight.

Ok,  I do believe this for the average person having issues will be a great resource.  I have a few issues as a Fibro-Chick that makes me hesitant.  First of all, the whole avoiding your bed for anything but sleep and sex, again this is coming from someone that does not have chronic pain issues.  We simply need to be in our comfy zone and for many of us, that is our bed.  If you are not tired, you need to get up and read or something else not stimulating.  Well, I take a massive amount of meds at bedtime, getting up and walking the 25 steps to the bathroom can be dangerous, let alone anything else until I get sleepy.  Regular exercise, well I am sure we all try that but again that totally depends on the day, pain level and mobility level.  I don't usually nap during the day so I think I will be ok with that one.  I do highly recommend the routine, I do try and follow a routine, even though it does not always work for me, I have found that for some it really does.  A to do list, that goes back to my previous post.  I always, always, always have a paper and pencil near me and I write a lot of stuff down.  It helps me remember stuff and vent when I am frustrated.  Also use places like blogs, twitter and facebook to locate people that are similar to you and you can always catch up with them and vent or chat, have a laugh, it really does help.  I also found a web forum called Chronic Babes (there is a link on the right  side of my page) where you can join in with people with similar interests and backgrounds as well as many different chronic disease, not just Fibro.  They also have open on line chats encompassing many different subjects.  It is a great place to socialize and find support. Maybe some of this will help you find sleep.  Remember if you consistently find yourself not getting sleep or being awake when you should not be, Talk to the doctor.  Be very careful with yourself.  Don't let it wear you down or put you in a flare.  Medicines can keep you awake, things you eat and drink can keep you awake, even what you watch on TV or do before bed can make it hard to sleep.  Be kind to yourself.  If you need help, ask for it.  You are the only person that knows how you feel and you are your own biggest advocate.  I am not a doctor, but I am living it everyday.  I refuse to give in and I want you to fight with me.  Stand tall, even if it is only for a few minutes.  It is those few minutes that will make the difference.  I truly believe that in this fight against all that makes fibro so hard to live with, if we can just help each other and get info out there, we can make a difference.  My motto is Gentle Hugs and a Strong Voice......lets keep it going.

A Beautiful Day

First, I must apologize for not being here in quite some time.  I have been extremely tired and just could not muster even the amount of energy needed to type a sentence, let alone some info for my blog.  With that being said, I have to tell you today was an amazing day for me.  I felt almost like my old self, almost.  The weather was beautiful, sun was shining, an awesome breeze coming in off the ocean, everything was clear and the sky was just bright blue.   In the town I live in, today was the annual, Craft Show on the Boardwalk.  Talk about lucking out, they could not have physically created a better day for it.  You could stroll along the boardwalk, and the side streets where the stands were set up, with the breeze flowing around you, keeping you comfortable and letting you take your time to look at every creation you wanted to.  I, of course, did not purchase anything.  I tend to feel sometimes these type of shows are a bit above my price range, then they set the price just a bit higher because of course you are at the beach and everything is higher at the beach.  I do love looking though, taking in the ideas and trying to figure out if I would be able to make the items.  Some of the items I would love to have, and hope to see again at a craft show closer to Christmas, that way maybe I could justify spending the money for it, but probably not.
The other thing that was awesome about today is that I walked for quite sometime, at least two miles, then came home for a little rest and did the grocery shopping.  My husband and I also made dinner together and cleaned up the kitchen, put away clothes from the laundry he did today.  This is the most I have done all week.  It was so nice to go out and just have a good day.  No rushing, no stress, no worry, it was simply just a totally relaxed and amazing day.  Last weekend I had my mom, nieces and nephew here for the holiday and did way to much.  The added stress of making sure I did enough with them and kept them busy and having fun really wore me out and made the last week very challenging for me so to have an easy weekend will be awesome.  I am sore and hurting now, sitting down for more than a few minutes helped me tense up and now I am feeling the pain a bit.  I always hurt the most in my hips and lower back.  I am hoping since I did quite a bit today and was outside alot that I will be able to sleep well and tomorrow when I wake up I will feel good. I guess I will just have to wait and see.  All I know, is even if there is a bit more pain tomorrow, I am extremely thankful for all I got to do today.  I am thankful for having more energy today, for not having a bad flare day and for my husband understanding all I go through and taking his time today so I could enjoy and take in all the stuff I wanted to.  Maybe tomorrow, even if it is not a great day, I can still get to the beach and just sit there and soak up the sun and watch the world go by.  All I know is today was a beautiful day.

Tired

So it has been a week and a half since I started the new medicine.  I just have no idea what to think.  I am falling asleep sooner most nights.  I don't see the clock at 3:30 without having closed my eyes at all.  The major problem I see is I just feel so incredibly exhausted all the time.  Does this mean the medicine is making me more tired and I am still not getting the proper sleep even though I am going to sleep sooner, or does it mean the medicine is doing well, and there is something else wrong?  This is another one of those things that tend to drive me nuts.  Can anything at all be easy?  Can I just get a medicine that works and does not put me through a crazy spiral of changes to see if things will work out.  I, for the first time in my life, since I was an infant, slept in the car on a ride.  That is crazy for me. I guess I will give it more time to see what happens.  Maybe the fact that the weather is changing and I spent a weekend away from home and pushing to do more stuff than I would have had I been home just put me at exhaustion and I needed to and still need the extra sleep.  I really wish I could figure it out.  What is even worse is that I am having family down to my house for the holiday weekend coming up so I guess sleeping extra now probably is not a bad idea, and then next week I will probably be tired as well.  See hand then they wonder why things are so difficult for us.  Life does not make things easy, it would not be worth anything if it was handed to us, or at least that is what they keep saying.  As much as I really want a break, and would love a break, I guess I will just keep trying to move ahead, and if it means I have to go through this craziness of med changes and ups and downs again, at least I know I can be thankful I am still here to do it.