Just Pain a 9 out of 10

It has been a really rough week.  I finally thought the new medicine was helping.  I was not getting sick, I could stand on my own, without feeling like a weeble wobble, and I could actually get in the car and ride without having to pull over every 10 minutes or hold a bag or bucket in front of me because of motion sickness.  Well, apparently, it is not doing enough.  The first 3 or 4 days, it made me incredibly sleepy.  This, for me, was a major  plus.  Since I was a severe insomniac and was barely sleeping, the extra sleep was a blessing.  The only problem, it was lingering.  I was dragging all day.  I slept for numerous hours, but did not get restorative rest,  then all day, I felt sleepy.  So now it has been 10 days, still sleepy all the time, but the actual sleep assistance is gone.  I just feel groggy all the time.  I also have major pain.  As anyone with fibromyalgia knows, you can have pain in varying degrees, in varying areas, t varying times, at any given moment.  Well, let me tell you, the pain I have felt over the last 4 or 5 days would put a normal person in the fetal position, screaming for death.  My arms are constantly on fire, and at times I have pins and needles in them and then occasionally it feels like someone is stabbing me in the hand and forearm.  My hips are in so achy, and sore I look like someone with a double hip replacement when I try and walk.  My calves and ankles are like my arms.  Only difference is the stabbing in my legs is more profound, almost non stop and at night, it is horrible.  I am having a difficult time being mobile and have been in my bed or bedroom almost all week.  Over doing things, does wear you out.  When you have decent meds, you won't end up in bed for weeks.  But when the meds help put you in bed, it totally sucks.  When you go to the doctors, and they ask you, on a scale of 1-10 what is your pain level, how do you answer?  In all honesty, my pain level for a normal person would be a 100.  For me this week it is definitely pushing a 9.  My doctor said she sees a 10 as being in so much pain you are crying and curled up, well honestly if I cry and curl up, it just makes my pain worse, adds a bigger headache and curling up for me, well sometimes that is totally not an option.  So, I am trying my best to keep going, but seriously, how much pain can one person handle?  I can not take any pain meds, I have a horrible allergic reaction to them.  So, I will be talking to the doctor on Tuesday, there has got to be a medicine out there to help lower the pain levels.  I don't think a 9 out of 10 is fair to any living creature.  I would be happy with a 5.  I know they can't fix it, but what is out there to help?

How are your pain levels?
What meds do you take?
What alternative medicine practices help you?

New Meds again!!!

It has been almost one week since I started my amitriptyline, to replace the Cymbalta I had to relinquish since I could no longer afford to pay for it.  Still not sure how I feel on it.  I am trying to give it the "old college try".  I can tell you one thing I have noticed.  It sure does make me sleepy.  My severe insomnia has become less severe, but it lingers and makes me very sluggish all day.  So I guess it is a wash.  I am getting more sleep, but I am not waking up feeling any more rested, actually I am feeling more tired.  UUGGHH!
So here is the list of side effects for this particular medicine:

• nausea
• vomiting
• drowsiness
• weakness or tiredness
• nightmares
• headaches
• dry mouth
• constipation
• difficulty urinating
• blurred vision
• pain, burning, or tingling in the hands or feet
• changes in sex drive or ability
• excessive sweating
• changes in appetite or weight
• confusion
• unsteadiness.
  Does it make sense that I am taking this medicine to help with headaches and pain and it has a major side effect of headache.  I can never figure it out.  Then, it messes with my blood sugar, so not fun since I have been diet controlled for so long I don't test and so now when I feel "off" I can't test because I don't have the equipment.  So, I just keep pushing on and on.  Why on earth is there not a medicine that can just fix it, without causing more problems.  I mean for crying out loud, is taking some of the pain away worth getting so tired you can't enjoy it.  It is frustrating.  I try and keep thinking, maybe I need some time to get used to the medicine.  Maybe once my body adjust to it, I won't feel like a walking zombie, but then the question arises, how long do you wait to see if your body adjusts to the medicine?  I wondered aimlessly through the grocery store tonight, wobbling like someone that just had a dual hip replacement, so I could try and get a few items because my fridge and pantry were looking like a bachelors pad after a 3 week party binge.  I needed my husband to drive me, just did not feel comfortable enough to do it myself, but once there, I was so tired, it took every ounce of energy to get me through the store to get the groceries.  The worst of it all, I still have a pretty decent headache, it is not like it has made a huge dent in the pain.  I so want to be back to my old self.  I want a day without pain.  I want to wake up, not have to take a handful of meds to function, to be able to get in the car and do whatever I want for as long as I want, without any help.  I want to make dinner, and eat it, no matter what it is, and then run around with my family after dinner, doing, again, whatever I want. All in all, I will continue to fight to find the right medication.  I will try and continue to give it the "old college" try.  I try not to let it stick in my head that it won't work, or to let the side effects list blemish my opinion of the medicine.  The only major problem I have is I was taking Cymbalta, did not realize how well it was working until I could not afford it and now have to try all these other medicines.  Even though they had to increase my Cymbalta dosage, I did not feel like a zombie, I did not get dizzy, motion sick, it did not mess with my sugar levels, and I could go to the grocery store by myself, (well the last one, at least one at least occasionally).  All I know, is I have to try and keep my spirits up, continue to be a guinea pig and hope it all works out in the end..  For now, I keep working with the amitriptyline and hoping it is the one, or that I can rule it out sooner than later!  So for now, keep smiling and moving forward, nothing else you can do!!!  Gentle hugs to you all. 

No Meds, REALLY!!!!!

I am telling you, I simply don't understand where the days have gone.  It may be that we have had company all week, or maybe I am in a fog from medicine changes again, or lack of sleep, or a combination of it all, but I feel like just it should still be Monday.  I also feel like I am neglecting my duties as entertainer of the year, or ok, entertainment for the extremely bored, by not getting as many posts put on my blog as I would like to.  Some days I have a whole lot of energy and a great idea on what to write, some days I have energy and wing something to write about, and somedays, I can't seem to remember where I put my brain, let alone an idea.
Well, I am still in the process of dealing with medicine changes.  Yes, the nortriptyline was a complete fail, I always felt like my head was floating in the clouds, while my stomach was getting air sick.  Sitting down was not usually an issue, well unless it was in a car or for that matter any other moving object, then, my body revolted.  Standing up from a sitting position was quite a different story, I then felt like I would quickly be returned to a laying position, usually against my will, at which time, I would immediately lean on someone or something in order to avoid having my body lay down the hard way.  So now, you say, what have they decided to use this wonderful, free (I actually end up paying them for the torture) lab test rat for?  Well, the divine, well educated, highly paid, pain free doctor decided lets just remove you from the medicine and not replace it with anything.  Just keep taking the others you have taken for a years or so and see if works on it's own.  Do you seriously think they would have added the pill before this one and then switched it to the nortriptyline, because of cost factor, if the medicines I was on before this one, were working just fine???  REALLY!!!!  So I have decided the only thing they are using me for right now is to see exactly what my pain threshold is before I want to physically harm them so they experience a glimpse of the pain I deal with everyday.   My pain threshold is very high, I lived with this pain for 10 + years before it pushed me to even complain enough to get it checked into. I have now been diagnosed and dealing with med changes for more than 5 more years.  I had two kids, been in an abusive relationship, choked til I was almost dead and pushed myself back to reality.  I can handle pain.  This is not pain, it is torture.  So now, I am trying to deal with it, and keep my spirits up, but seriously, I don't even think spirits, even mean ones, could deal with this much pain.  It hurts to type.  And all of this is occurring at the time of year summer goes into full swing.  July 4th is on Monday, (two days away), so many more people are around, I have a house full of visitors almost non stop for a couple of weeks, and life is already crazy enough.  Here is the deal, I have decided when the doctor asks me how the med changes are working on Wed July 6th, when I talk to her, I am going to  ask her if stubbing her bare toe on a concrete block would hurt or not?  Do you wonder what she will say?  Well, here is hoping they will realize pain is a relevant part of our lives and most of the time the pain I do my daily things with, would send a person to the hospital.  I just close my eyes and pray.  I am not mean, but serjously, it hurts, na d is crazy.  and if you don't understand, tie yourself to the back of a  car and ask them to drive around the city, in a pot-holed area for about an hour.  No slowingdown and no stopping.  I am pretty sure, when you they just done, they might just understand.  In the meantime, remember, anyone can be book smart and paid lots of money, the reality is, you know your body and your pain, If they don't kick them in the knee and when they are down, step on em, LOL!