Rain Dance!

I am in a severe struggle right now.  The struggle between trying to keep my sense of humor and curling in a ball and crying from the pain.  I just finished a run of steroids to help get the severe headaches I have been dealing with under control.  Well, it did not really work, I am still having the headache.  Now add in, some severe and overbearing pain in the rest of my body, and you will have how my week has been.  I feel like I have been neglecting almost everything.  But in all actuality, no matter what I do, it hurts.  Sitting, standing, laying, typing, watching tv, cooking, walking, all of it results in some sort of pain, or is painful in some way.  So I have avoided adding anything to my blog, typing is painful, but also the screen on the computer is to bright, adding to the headache.  Watching tv is ok for a few minutes but then it starts to hurt my eyes, then the volume begins to annoy me and all adds to the headache.  Both of these require you to either sit or lay.  I can do both for just  a few minutes before the pain, more like severe burning/stabbing pain begins in my hip area. I also have the same burning pain in my arms and legs all the time.  This pain I am feeling is normal for me, but nothing this severe.  I deal with all of this on a regular basis, to a lesser extent, but for some reason, either right now I am just much more susceptible to the pain, or it is just so much worse.  I do know, that when there is a change in the barometric pressure or weather patterns my pain gets 300 times worse.  The weathermen, which we all know we just can not trust, have  told us that it should storm or rain every day this week.  So far, no rain.  I am thinking maybe this is the reason why my pain levels are so out of whack.  The only problem I see, is beyond the fact that it really needs to rain, it has been really nice outside.  Of course, I know you are asking, how would you know?  Well, it would be from my wonderful family telling me how nice it is outside, while I am barely able to walk my butt to the bathroom!  Sometimes they don't really think.  So it is so awesome that is is beautiful out, and it would be awesome time to be over at the beach, not to hot, but no, I am stuck, getting my suntan from the inside since I am on fire from inside.  I think mother nature is now screwing with me.  Is it because I asked her to cool it down a bit and it is summer when it is supposed to be hot, or is it just my imagination?   I am at the point where cutting off all my appendages including my head, would possibly lower my pain levels, but so would, hopefully an amazingly strong thunderstorm.  Which would be easier, and probably a bit cleaner for me, the thunderstorm.  So the only question left is who is available to perform the Rain Dance, because I am not sure I can do it myself, but I would be happy to give it a try.  I am sure someone would at least get a good laugh out of it in the end!

Can't Sleep Again!

So it is 1:39 am on Thursday morning an I am still awake.  My forearms are on fire.  My hands are all cramped up and no, typing is probably not a smart idea.  My legs are achy and also burning.  I have this weird pain near my right should blade, almost feels like someone is grabbing and holding onto it for dear life.  Now, the headache.  I think for some reason I have upset the little people that live in my head and they are having a party with jack hammers and drums.  I am not sure what will make them happy again, if any one has any suggestions, I will try just about anything.  So once again, the guinea pig medicine test is starting.  The doctors feel I have tried enough  of the tricyclic antidepressants that my doctor feels my insurance should be ok with me going back on the cymbalta.  This means that  they should help pay for it rather than it being out of pocket.  Only problem is that I know have to wait and see if they will, or if they will decided to make this old dog jump through more new hoops.  Until then, they put me on steroids to see if they can get the recent attack of severe headaches under control.  I am also hoping if that happens, some of the other pain starts to get under control as well.  It has not helped that is has been a long week with week too.  Sunday was the Ken Neidinger Memorial Motorcycle Ride.  This was put together to raise money to help deter the cost of Ken's funeral and to start a college fund/grant for the police academy.  Ken, a police officer, an Iraq war vet and a friend of mine, died from a massive heart attack at the age of 37.  A total shock to all of us.  Ken only passed away in March.  Then yesterday was the one year anniversary of the death. of a girl I knew, who felt more like a daughter to me.  She hung herself and even though we had no idea she was even in that frame of mind, we did know she was fighting some demons here.  It was quite devastating, and even though we did find a note eventually, and got a little bit of information about why, we will never have all the answers and since she was only 27, we will miss seeing her complete many milestones in her life.  She also left behind a little girl who is now 7, so it is very hard.  It has just been a rough week.  That stress, as you know, just adds to all the pain.  So I am hoping I get a good nights sleep, or I finally get some sleep.  I just keep trying to remember that I will eventually find medicine that works, I will get things under control and thank goodness I have a husband and son that are willing to help.  The stress right now of applying for Social Security Disability and all the other stuff, will pass.  God only gives you what you can handle.  That is what they keep telling me.  I just keep trying to remind myself.  Until the next time, Gentle hugs.

Ken's motorcycle and boots at the Ride

Ken's Bike, helmet and Boots.  Ken's Brother rode his Bike, but Ken's spirit was with all the riders.

Just Pain a 9 out of 10

It has been a really rough week.  I finally thought the new medicine was helping.  I was not getting sick, I could stand on my own, without feeling like a weeble wobble, and I could actually get in the car and ride without having to pull over every 10 minutes or hold a bag or bucket in front of me because of motion sickness.  Well, apparently, it is not doing enough.  The first 3 or 4 days, it made me incredibly sleepy.  This, for me, was a major  plus.  Since I was a severe insomniac and was barely sleeping, the extra sleep was a blessing.  The only problem, it was lingering.  I was dragging all day.  I slept for numerous hours, but did not get restorative rest,  then all day, I felt sleepy.  So now it has been 10 days, still sleepy all the time, but the actual sleep assistance is gone.  I just feel groggy all the time.  I also have major pain.  As anyone with fibromyalgia knows, you can have pain in varying degrees, in varying areas, t varying times, at any given moment.  Well, let me tell you, the pain I have felt over the last 4 or 5 days would put a normal person in the fetal position, screaming for death.  My arms are constantly on fire, and at times I have pins and needles in them and then occasionally it feels like someone is stabbing me in the hand and forearm.  My hips are in so achy, and sore I look like someone with a double hip replacement when I try and walk.  My calves and ankles are like my arms.  Only difference is the stabbing in my legs is more profound, almost non stop and at night, it is horrible.  I am having a difficult time being mobile and have been in my bed or bedroom almost all week.  Over doing things, does wear you out.  When you have decent meds, you won't end up in bed for weeks.  But when the meds help put you in bed, it totally sucks.  When you go to the doctors, and they ask you, on a scale of 1-10 what is your pain level, how do you answer?  In all honesty, my pain level for a normal person would be a 100.  For me this week it is definitely pushing a 9.  My doctor said she sees a 10 as being in so much pain you are crying and curled up, well honestly if I cry and curl up, it just makes my pain worse, adds a bigger headache and curling up for me, well sometimes that is totally not an option.  So, I am trying my best to keep going, but seriously, how much pain can one person handle?  I can not take any pain meds, I have a horrible allergic reaction to them.  So, I will be talking to the doctor on Tuesday, there has got to be a medicine out there to help lower the pain levels.  I don't think a 9 out of 10 is fair to any living creature.  I would be happy with a 5.  I know they can't fix it, but what is out there to help?

How are your pain levels?
What meds do you take?
What alternative medicine practices help you?