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Thursday, July 28, 2011

Can't Sleep Again!

So it is 1:39 am on Thursday morning an I am still awake.  My forearms are on fire.  My hands are all cramped up and no, typing is probably not a smart idea.  My legs are achy and also burning.  I have this weird pain near my right should blade, almost feels like someone is grabbing and holding onto it for dear life.  Now, the headache.  I think for some reason I have upset the little people that live in my head and they are having a party with jack hammers and drums.  I am not sure what will make them happy again, if any one has any suggestions, I will try just about anything.  So once again, the guinea pig medicine test is starting.  The doctors feel I have tried enough  of the tricyclic antidepressants that my doctor feels my insurance should be ok with me going back on the cymbalta.  This means that  they should help pay for it rather than it being out of pocket.  Only problem is that I know have to wait and see if they will, or if they will decided to make this old dog jump through more new hoops.  Until then, they put me on steroids to see if they can get the recent attack of severe headaches under control.  I am also hoping if that happens, some of the other pain starts to get under control as well.  It has not helped that is has been a long week with week too.  Sunday was the Ken Neidinger Memorial Motorcycle Ride.  This was put together to raise money to help deter the cost of Ken's funeral and to start a college fund/grant for the police academy.  Ken, a police officer, an Iraq war vet and a friend of mine, died from a massive heart attack at the age of 37.  A total shock to all of us.  Ken only passed away in March.  Then yesterday was the one year anniversary of the death. of a girl I knew, who felt more like a daughter to me.  She hung herself and even though we had no idea she was even in that frame of mind, we did know she was fighting some demons here.  It was quite devastating, and even though we did find a note eventually, and got a little bit of information about why, we will never have all the answers and since she was only 27, we will miss seeing her complete many milestones in her life.  She also left behind a little girl who is now 7, so it is very hard.  It has just been a rough week.  That stress, as you know, just adds to all the pain.  So I am hoping I get a good nights sleep, or I finally get some sleep.  I just keep trying to remember that I will eventually find medicine that works, I will get things under control and thank goodness I have a husband and son that are willing to help.  The stress right now of applying for Social Security Disability and all the other stuff, will pass.  God only gives you what you can handle.  That is what they keep telling me.  I just keep trying to remind myself.  Until the next time, Gentle hugs.

Ken's motorcycle and boots at the Ride
Ken's Bike, helmet and Boots.  Ken's Brother rode his Bike, but Ken's spirit was with all the riders.


  1. He wasnt an iraq war vet i dont think.....

  2. I do apologize, You are right, Ken was actually a gulf war veteran. However you look at it, he was an amazing hero and we miss him very much.