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Sunday, July 3, 2011

No Meds, REALLY!!!!!

I am telling you, I simply don't understand where the days have gone.  It may be that we have had company all week, or maybe I am in a fog from medicine changes again, or lack of sleep, or a combination of it all, but I feel like just it should still be Monday.  I also feel like I am neglecting my duties as entertainer of the year, or ok, entertainment for the extremely bored, by not getting as many posts put on my blog as I would like to.  Some days I have a whole lot of energy and a great idea on what to write, some days I have energy and wing something to write about, and somedays, I can't seem to remember where I put my brain, let alone an idea.
Well, I am still in the process of dealing with medicine changes.  Yes, the nortriptyline was a complete fail, I always felt like my head was floating in the clouds, while my stomach was getting air sick.  Sitting down was not usually an issue, well unless it was in a car or for that matter any other moving object, then, my body revolted.  Standing up from a sitting position was quite a different story, I then felt like I would quickly be returned to a laying position, usually against my will, at which time, I would immediately lean on someone or something in order to avoid having my body lay down the hard way.  So now, you say, what have they decided to use this wonderful, free (I actually end up paying them for the torture) lab test rat for?  Well, the divine, well educated, highly paid, pain free doctor decided lets just remove you from the medicine and not replace it with anything.  Just keep taking the others you have taken for a years or so and see if works on it's own.  Do you seriously think they would have added the pill before this one and then switched it to the nortriptyline, because of cost factor, if the medicines I was on before this one, were working just fine???  REALLY!!!!  So I have decided the only thing they are using me for right now is to see exactly what my pain threshold is before I want to physically harm them so they experience a glimpse of the pain I deal with everyday.   My pain threshold is very high, I lived with this pain for 10 + years before it pushed me to even complain enough to get it checked into. I have now been diagnosed and dealing with med changes for more than 5 more years.  I had two kids, been in an abusive relationship, choked til I was almost dead and pushed myself back to reality.  I can handle pain.  This is not pain, it is torture.  So now, I am trying to deal with it, and keep my spirits up, but seriously, I don't even think spirits, even mean ones, could deal with this much pain.  It hurts to type.  And all of this is occurring at the time of year summer goes into full swing.  July 4th is on Monday, (two days away), so many more people are around, I have a house full of visitors almost non stop for a couple of weeks, and life is already crazy enough.  Here is the deal, I have decided when the doctor asks me how the med changes are working on Wed July 6th, when I talk to her, I am going to  ask her if stubbing her bare toe on a concrete block would hurt or not?  Do you wonder what she will say?  Well, here is hoping they will realize pain is a relevant part of our lives and most of the time the pain I do my daily things with, would send a person to the hospital.  I just close my eyes and pray.  I am not mean, but serjously, it hurts, na d is crazy.  and if you don't understand, tie yourself to the back of a  car and ask them to drive around the city, in a pot-holed area for about an hour.  No slowingdown and no stopping.  I am pretty sure, when you they just done, they might just understand.  In the meantime, remember, anyone can be book smart and paid lots of money, the reality is, you know your body and your pain, If they don't kick them in the knee and when they are down, step on em, LOL!

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