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Monday, June 13, 2011

to Speak or not to Speak

Ok, so I had company at my house for the weekend.  It was very nice all weekend to have my cousin, her husband and her daughter with us.  We wanted to take some time and go to the beach on Saturday, but the weather was not cooperating with us.  Every time we tried to leave for a little lounging on the beach and water  time for the kids (my son and my cousin's daughter who were both chomping at the bit to swim) it would get dark, and you would hear the rumble of thunder.  A burst of rain and it would be over.  We would give it a bit, start to head out, and hear comes the next scattered thunderstorm.  I felt like mother nature was watching me and every time I opened the front door of my house, she would cue the storm.  We finally gave up on the beach attempt and went to get dinner and walk the boardwalk.  It was warm and humid and wow did it drain me faster than a vampire drains a pint of blood.  I just kept moving, and drinking.  Had a great dinner and conversation, and we laughed hysterically on the car ride back to the house.  It had started to cool off so we then decided we would walk on the beach close to my house.  We walked for about 5 blocks on the beach and then back onto the boardwalk.  When I went to talk to my cousin again, nothing came out but a tiny little squeak.  Each word seemed to be swallowed in a black hole.  Ok, where the heck did this come from. Honestly, I was feeling tired, a bit achy around my hips and lower back from the walking around, but my throat did not hurt, and I did not feel sick.  So I was now stuck trying to figure stuff out, explain stuff and make arrangements and not being able to talk.  Fast forward to right now, 32 hours later, and I still can not talk.  Occasionally when I try, I will squeak, or part of the word will come out, but that is it.  I still do not feel sick.  My throat does not hurt, I have no cough, no cold and worst of all no voice.  So even when I speak, I am not speaking.  I know my husband and son are not complaining much, if anything, they are probably enjoying it quite a bit.  The question is, do I worry about this?  Is it just a fluke and will my voice reappear just like it disappeared?  Do I actually have pain that I don't notice because I am immune to pain unless it is extreme and the little bit of pain that it is causing just does not affect me?  I worry that if I don't go to the doctors and something is wrong, it could get worse and cause something more severe or maybe put me info a major flare and out of commission for a while, but then I also go to the doctor enough and hate to go if I really don't have to.  Then of course, will it mean another medicine if I do go to the doctors?  You never realize how much something this small can affect you, what craziness it can throw at you, when you deal daily with a chronic illness.  If you were healthy, this would be nothing, but for someone that deals with what we do, it can just horribly throw a wrench into things.  Then there is the issue of will the antibiotic,if needed, cause issues with the current medications.  UUUUGGGGHHHH!!!!!  This totally drives me nuts.  I would love for things to just be easy again, but I don't see that happening again for quite some time.  For now, I will just hope when I wake up tomorrow I have a voice.  Til then I guess the answer to the question is not to speak.

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