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Wednesday, April 27, 2011

After the Holiday

Well, the Easter holiday is over.  I had my family down from PA for the weekend and then kept my mom here with me for a few extra days.  I had an awesome, overly exhausting time.  My grandson was here, he is 18 months old and a ball of energy.  If we could figure a way to bottle that energy for our bad days it would be awesome.  I made dinner, of course it was no where as big as my mom ever did, but it was the family together and we had a good time, and that is what mattered.
I had a bit of a realization this year. My children are growing up.  It made me very sad.  No one wanted to paint easter eggs, no one was interested in the egg hunt, and no one woke up at the crack of dawn to see what the bunny brought them.  Well we know this is only better for me since it was less work for me.  I could sleep in which is something I have to do since my sleep schedule is so random and most nights with the amazing insomnia I have I don't get to sleep much before 3 or 4 am.  My grandson was to little to paint eggs and he just kept throwing the plastic eggs and yelling ball, lol.  Maybe next year he will be a bit more ready for the fun, and his dad will just have to help.
I know we all push ourselves to excess on days and weeks like these because we just don't want to give in.  I did a whole lot of car travel, which means being stuck in a small spot in a pretty similar position for an extended period of time and we know this equals pain.  Thank goodness when I drove to pick up my family the 3 plus hours away I could sleep a night before I drove back home.  But then it was grocery shopping and other shopping and just all around getting stuff ready.  Sunday morning after the basket reveal we did go to the beach for a bit, but it was not quite as warm as they said it would be.  We came home, the kids (my oldest being 19) went to the boardwalk down in Ocean City while we waited for my husband to get home from work.  We then had dinner and cleaned up.  Hung out for a while and just had a good time.  Then my two boys, my dad, my sister and my grandson loaded in the car and headed up to PA.  I then hit the sofa and tried not to move.  By this time, I was totally wiped out, sad that they had to leave, and just all around in a slump.  Fibrofog was in deep, and I could not remember what I did or did not do 10 seconds ago and I wanted to go to bed but did not want to leave my mom by herself, so I just vegetated in front of the television with her and relaxed til she was ready for bed.
Monday I slept in, I did not have a choice.  Sometimes my body just takes over and I have to go with it.  We did go to some local businesses and check out some sites, I was in a lot of pain and climbing in and out of the car was a bit painful for me, ok a whole lot painful, but I wanted my mom to have a good time.  We then went  down in the evening to see the horses on  Assateague Island.  It is beautiful there and peaceful.  I really like to just go down there sometimes and sit and just relax.  
Tuesday was the day I had to take my mom back home.  It was really nice having her at my house for a couple days.  I miss being able to see her whenever I want.  Growing up and living only a couple doors away from her once I was married, then only 5 mins away when she moved sorta spoiled me.  Now for the first time in my life, my family is not close.  Having to deal with the fibro in a new area away from all of my support system is really hard.  There is no one to call if I am just to tired to get in the car and pick up my son and my husband is stuck at work, or to say hey can you make a bit more for dinner, I am just way to tired to cook.  When I lived in PA, everything was close.  My son could walk home from school, or from a friends house.  Now the school is 20 minutes away by car and there is no sidewalks.  I can't call my mom and say can you run and get him cause she is 3 plus hours away.  Some days it is so much harder on me than I thought it would be.  I miss the few people that did help me and tried to understand.
I will push on, I will continue to do what I have to, in steps and bits.  Some days will always be much better than others.  I know my boundaries and limits even though many times I will push them to to a point that it is not good for me.  My husband yells at me sometimes because he knows I am stubborn and that I often should stop before I do.  I often wish for my old life, for my old abilities, but it is honestly a waste of energy.  I must learn to work with what I have.  I will not let this take everything away from me.  I will work at making people understand and I will live the best I can.  I will also be a friend to those who are like me, so we can all learn together.
How was your holiday, how have you modified your traditions, or have you?  Is there something that you miss that maybe we can figure a way to work so you don't have to miss it?   Come one people help us out, all of us, we can't learn unless we talk.
ateague Island

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